38/100

Perception is an interesting thing... I think most people try to mitigate how they're perceived in one way or another. Interestingly, I accidentally typed the word "perfection" to start that first sentence. Pretty appropriate Freudian slip. Much of my life I've spent a considerable amount of energy trying to be "perfect" or at least as close to it as I can, in how I live and how I'm perceived. A smart lady pinned something recently that said "perfectionism is the highest form of self abuse." 

I think that's probably true in that setting the goalpost at an unattainable location is a cruel joke. Its one of those things that's hard to give up though. I think "if I stop trying to be perfect, then I'll fall so far below my expectations." I tell myself it's motivating and keeps me at my best. And so it continues. The inner critic will likely always have a podium from which it spews self-doubt and highlights room for improvement. 

The grand hoax though, in my observation, is that everyone is doing the same thing and even the people that seem the most together have some deficiency. (The inner critic isn't just there for self flagellation, she finds everyone else's flaws too. She's just more forgiving of them). I'm not sure what the point of all this is, other than an acknowledgement of a maladaptive behavior and a disinclination to do anything about it. At least doing pulls the proverbial curtain back from the wizard that is everyone's attempt at seeming perfect. It's a dynamic I can live with.