I made it to Friday. I made it through the workweek and I survived. I haven't gone a day yet without crying at least just a little bit, but I feel genuinely alright. Not anvil-on-my-chest-but-going-through-the-motions okay (that was earlier in the week). Like.. baseline normal life okay. The sad stuff comes and goes, but every day it gets a little easier. I expect tomorrow will be even better.
The only and best thing I can do is take care of me and not enable anyone else. That means not keeping their secrets so they can continue to mislead the people in their lives into enabling them. Busting someone out might just be the kindest thing you can do for them. And... I prefer kindness. Even if you've fucked me over, or betrayed me, or whatever the case may be. I won't intentionally hurt you, because that's just not my style. Being an asshole makes me feel shitty, so, I don't do it. I think any time I've ever been a jerk to someone it has haunted me for far longer than it bothered the person I was a jerk to.
I bought myself flowers yesterday to brighten my space. I made homemade marshmallows this evening and I'll be getting dolled up and taking myself out for a cocktail later this evening. Tomorrow I'll be surrounding myself with interesting, creative women with shared interests. Yesterday I got the ball rolling on scheduling some long overdue counseling sessions. Earlier this week, feeding myself was a victory. So, I think I'm making pretty good progress in this whole.. taking care of ME thing.
I've always been pretty good about self-care, but this week was the first time I actually needed help (or maybe it's just the first time it's been available and therefore noticeably beneficial?) I got help packing up his things; to her it was effortless but I was moving in slow motion. I had friends remind me to eat, rescue me from the car shop and feed me, and had at least a couple people checking in on me each day. I am so thankful for the support and love and offers for help showered on me this week. I cannot express how appreciative I am, but to each of my dear friends, know that I would return the favor in a heartbeat. However, I do wish you never need it!
I'll do better than okay. I'll be thriving in no time. Watch me.